Kelly Ellis.
[Part 4/10 of The Body Project]

When I was younger, how I looked was never an issue for me. Kids in my neighborhood and at school didn’t care about what my hair looked like, or what sort of clothes I wore; girls my age just wanted a friend to play “Barbies” with. So, I didn’t really have a problem with how I looked as a child. 

But everything changed when I started middle school. 

In the sixth grade I had just one friend. One friend. I couldn’t figure out why no one else wanted to be my friend. I didn’t smell funky, I knew that. I would wonder for hours on end about what really was wrong with me. What made people stay away. Then, one day, it hit me while I was eating lunch alone (my one friend had ran off to hang out with her other friends). I was watching everyone in the cafeteria eat and mingle, and I noticed that there was no room at the table where all the pretty girls sat. People were sitting two-to-a-seat there, while my table, on the other hand, had still about 7 free seats that no one cared to fill. I felt really lonely, and 

Just.  Plain.  Ugly.

That day, I went home and cried. I took a good look in the mirror and pointed out everything I’d change if I had the chance. I wanted to fix my acne, my teeth, my hair— the list went on for miles. Every time I’d see one of the pretty, popular girls, I wished so badly to be given the chance to be like them, even just for a day. I wanted only to see how different life would be if I were pretty. 

Then, I made a new friend my eighth grade year. I was so excited that someone wanted to hang out with ugly ole’ me. I didn’t expect that she would be the one to change my life. 

When it came to my family and going to church, Christmas Eve was about as far as we’d go. So when my new friend constantly invited me to church with her, I would brush it off. Church wasn’t for me. I felt like I wouldn’t fit in anyway— I was ugly, and very shy. I was glad when swim season came around because it gave me a valid excuse not to go with her— there was a meet every Wednesday, the same day as Youth Group. 

One day, I decided to humor my friend and accompany her to church. I was really nervous, I didn’t know anyone but her. To my surprise, though, everyone there was really nice, it was the first time that I felt like I fit in anywhere. I didn’t feel as if my looks were being judged by anyone at all, which was a huge deal for me because I always felt that my looks were the reason why no one was inclined to be my friend. 

After that day, I realized church wasn’t so bad; actually, it was kind of fun. I started to go regularly with my friend. I took the next step by giving my life to Christ on March 22nd, 2008, and then got baptized in September of the same year. 

Since then, Jesus has done many amazing things with me. He has taught me that everyone one, every single person, is a masterpiece, and beautiful in his or her own way. He broke through my bad, habitual thoughts that constantly convinced me of how ugly I was, and through His Word, made me realize that I’m beautiful too. A feat that no one else could have accomplished. 

Now, I can actually look in the mirror and stare at myself without pointing out all of the things I dislike about my face or body.

 I know Jesus has someone out there for me, who is going to love all the things that make me unique; and if He doesn’t, it will be okay, because Jesus’ love will always be enough to satisfy my heart. 

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These photos help to display the struggles that Kelly faced with body image, what she looks like without and with make-up, and the cleansing of her insecurities. 

For more information on Kelly’s story, or The Body Project, please contact me at KathleenSayer@gmail.com