Johnna Joy.
[Part 5/10 of The Body Project]

I’ve always been bigger than the other kids. 

Always called names. 

Always stared at.

For a good portion of my life, I thought I was some kind of freak. With no one there to talk me down off the metaphorical ledge I was on, I grew more and more ashamed of myself. I hit my peak of shame the summer before my 8th grade year. Coming in at just under 6 feet, and wearing a size 20 in pants, I looked alarmingly like a giant—and people noticed. 

I was called every name in the book from “Shrek” to “Andre the Giant”. I didn’t let the bullies know it hurt, but I cried a lot at home, mostly in the shower so no one could hear me. 

My parents constantly told me it was all ‘baby fat’ and I’d lose it after puberty, but I didn’t care, I wanted to be petite like all the other girls.

Puberty hit me like a hurricane. My face, legs, and arms became considerably slimmer. I developed a waist, and dropped two pant sizes. It was nice, but I still wasn’t happy…

Then the unthinkable happened: my father, my best friend, died.

Grief-stricken, I didn’t do anything for two months, including eat. I just laid around in a daze, unaware of my surroundings. I lost 15 pounds within those two months, and loved it. That incident left me with a mild eating disorder until my sophomore year of high school. I suppose I thought that, if I couldn’t make myself shorter, I’d shrink my stomach instead.

While all of this was going on, I had a friend who always invited me to church, and I’d reluctantly join them. I sat in on most of the sermons, but didn’t really listen until one day when the pastor taught a lesson on Psalm 139:14, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.“ 

It hit home. 

I was created by the God, King of the universe. He made the stars in the night sky, He made the ocean, and He created all things beautiful in this world— including me. As I began to immerse myself into Jesus and His word, I started to see all I had missed.

I was beautiful, 

I was unique, 

I was important. 

God made me for a reason, and I have a defined purpose. Not a day goes by that I don’t feel insecure about something or notice a flaw, but instead of trying to fix it, I accept it, and try to appreciate it. 

For all I know, God made me so tall so I can be closer to Him. 

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These photos help to display the struggles that Johnna faced with body image, what she looks like without and with make-up, and the cleansing of her insecurities. 

For more information on Johnna’s story, or The Body Project, please contact me at KathleenSayer@gmail.com