Brenna Lutes.
[Part 7/10 of The Body Project]

Appearance is extremely important in society today and everyone spends enormous amounts of time and money altering theirs. But how much time and effort do we put into obtaining and nurturing our inner beauty? 

Before I was a strong believer in Christ, I struggled with my weight and negative body-image immensely. I never thought I was pretty enough, and therefore, I put most of my energy in to making myself more beautiful, more appealing, more alluring. I was trying constantly to fit the stereotypical image of what I thought “beautiful” was. Little did I know that a lot of the time, my perspective was completely perverse and twisted.

I was never good enough for myself; and if I wasn’t even good for me, I would never be good enough for anyone else. I would go back and forth between eating too much and eating too little to compensate for my earlier binges. I was never skinny enough and I felt I always looked repulsive. I would wear tons of makeup, dress immodestly, and put on a persona that I wasn’t completely happy with every single day just to get attention—good or bad— because I wanted to be connected to someone or something. 

I needed to be loved by someone because I hated myself. I thought that I was worthless and ugly. Nothing would fill the void; not boys, not new clothes, not starving so I could be skinny, not anything. 

I was lost, and completely empty. 

I still struggle every day with my appearance, but I’m beginning to learn that my spiritual beauty is truly all that matters. It all started to change for me after I attended United Camp 2010. I learned that I wasn’t the only person dealing with these issues of negative self-image, depression, and not feeling like I belong. 

I stopped feeling sorry for myself and I started feeling blessed. Instead of looking at my downfalls and shortcomings, I looked at what I thought was unique, or beautiful. I began reading my bible, and discovered that my Heavenly Father thinks I’m beautiful, and that quickly became enough. I am so incredibly blessed to be where I am today. Instead of focusing on how I can better my appearance, I started focusing on how I can better myself in Christ. 

- - - - -

These photos help to display the struggles that Brenna faced with body image, what she looks like without and with make-up, and the cleansing of her insecurities. 

For more information on Brenna’s story, or The Body Project, please contact me at KathleenSayer@gmail.com