Katie & Camera

Brenna Lutes.
[Part 7/10 of The Body Project]

Appearance is extremely important in society today and everyone spends enormous amounts of time and money altering theirs. But how much time and effort do we put into obtaining and nurturing our inner beauty? 

Before I was a strong believer in Christ, I struggled with my weight and negative body-image immensely. I never thought I was pretty enough, and therefore, I put most of my energy in to making myself more beautiful, more appealing, more alluring. I was trying constantly to fit the stereotypical image of what I thought “beautiful” was. Little did I know that a lot of the time, my perspective was completely perverse and twisted.

I was never good enough for myself; and if I wasn’t even good for me, I would never be good enough for anyone else. I would go back and forth between eating too much and eating too little to compensate for my earlier binges. I was never skinny enough and I felt I always looked repulsive. I would wear tons of makeup, dress immodestly, and put on a persona that I wasn’t completely happy with every single day just to get attention—good or bad— because I wanted to be connected to someone or something. 

I needed to be loved by someone because I hated myself. I thought that I was worthless and ugly. Nothing would fill the void; not boys, not new clothes, not starving so I could be skinny, not anything. 

I was lost, and completely empty. 

I still struggle every day with my appearance, but I’m beginning to learn that my spiritual beauty is truly all that matters. It all started to change for me after I attended United Camp 2010. I learned that I wasn’t the only person dealing with these issues of negative self-image, depression, and not feeling like I belong. 

I stopped feeling sorry for myself and I started feeling blessed. Instead of looking at my downfalls and shortcomings, I looked at what I thought was unique, or beautiful. I began reading my bible, and discovered that my Heavenly Father thinks I’m beautiful, and that quickly became enough. I am so incredibly blessed to be where I am today. Instead of focusing on how I can better my appearance, I started focusing on how I can better myself in Christ. 

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These photos help to display the struggles that Brenna faced with body image, what she looks like without and with make-up, and the cleansing of her insecurities. 

For more information on Brenna’s story, or The Body Project, please contact me at KathleenSayer@gmail.com  

Vanessa Figueroa.
[Part 2/10 of The Body Project]

“Don’t you think you’re pretty?”

 I’ve been asked that question since I could remember. I hated—no I loathed—that question. Did I think I was pretty? Psh! The answer was no.

I wasn’t always like that. I used to think I was pretty, even adorable, up until seventh grade. You see, I grew up with a Hispanic family, (of course), and my mom, aunts, and grandparents would constantly remind me that, since we “looked like them,” we were drop-dead gorgeous.  I remember during my early childhood years, I use to have a confidence that would annoy people. I was a tom-boy growing up, and was okay with that; I had tons of friends and was a pretty happy camper. But then, we moved to upstate New York.

That’s where it all started.

 I attended a school in Norwich, which was a very small town. I was the only tan-skinned girl there. My classes consisted primarily of white people, all blonde-haired and blue-eyed. I didn’t understand why my skin was the color that it was. You see, I was also the only tanned member of my family; I so badly wanted my sister’s pale, olive skin tone. I grew so critical of my tanned skin, I needed to change it! That’s when I found makeup. I started to wear a ton of blush to cover my face. People would always assume that I had either been running or got a really bad sunburn, but I preferred that over my natural skin color. This lasted until I moved to Florida. I remember stepping into my High school and being relieved because there were so many people with my skin color! The only thing is, I grew so accustomed to my “made-up” face that I felt people wouldn’t accept me without it. I remember becoming so attached to this routine, that one day, my dad caught me. He thought I looked so ridiculous with all the makeup that he banned me from wearing it. Yup, he said it, I could no longer wear any type of makeup, or I would be grounded. I was destroyed, but nonetheless I was obedient and started my tenth grade year with a bare face.

That’s when I met my first bully.

He was a beautiful boy who was two years older than me. He would constantly remind me of all the flaws I had, and even introduced to me some new ones! I would walk in high school with my head low because I didn’t want him to look at me. Can you believe that? I became so angry at God for making me the way He did. I would compare myself to all the other “pretty girls” in school and became so disgusted with myself. I would go home and cry and cry, waiting for the day high school would be no more. I became furious with people who complimented me. I would feel lied to, to the point where I made an effort to avoid compliments or pretend I didn’t hear them. I hated every single thing about myself. I soon started to hate my weight; I was always the “skinny girl”. I tried to gain weight but with my metabolism, it was never successful. I would have anxiety attacks before school every morning because I couldn’t find something to wear or how to do my hair. I would get so sick to my stomach because I knew I had to face my bully once I got to school. Then my eleventh grade year began. There, I fell for someone for the first time. And when I say I fell, I mean, I fell hard. That boy became my Everything. When he told me I was pretty, then, and only then, did I believe it. But, of course, like most of all first-loves, it ended. I was so broken; I blamed myself and my appearance. I gave up on ever finding anyone again. I felt as if I wasn’t good enough for anyone and never will be.

And then I began to attend Church by the Glades.

There, my whole life was changed. It was only changed because, through that church, my walk with God was renewed. I was reminded how I was created by a God who makes no junk.  I would look at the sky, a flower that was about to blossom, a bird with amazing, colorful feathers, or even a beautiful sunset, and stand in awe of how amazing my Creator was.

Then it hit me, that same creator whose masterpieces took my breath away, also created ME.

I became so overwhelmed with conviction of how much I bashed God’s workmanship—myself – that I prayed I would start seeing myself through His eyes. And in time, I started to. I started to accept my “flaws”, but also to appreciate them, because my God gave them to me. I started to read His Word, and incredible verses were always being brought to my attention. For example:

Ephesians 2:10,

 “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.”

Romans 12:2,

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

and Ephesians 1:18,

 “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in His holy people.“

These are not even half of the verses I found. These verses and promises became my daily prayer. I would love to say that my self-esteem was forever changed, but I can’t. To this day, I struggle with my looks, and I still blame any type of rejection on my appearance, but the only difference is— I don’t wallow in self pity. I stand up, dust myself off, and once again remind myself of WHO created me, and what HE thinks of me. And I smile. Because it’s true. We all have been created in God’s image, and my God is far from ugly. HE is beautiful, therefore I am, too.

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These photos help to display the struggles that Vanessa faced with body image, what she looks like without and with make-up, and the cleansing of her insecurities. 

For more information on Vanessa’s story, or The Body Project, please contact me at KathleenSayer@gmail.com

P.S. Vanessa is also on Tumblr! Here is a link to her account.

Sydney Maccubbin
[Part 1/10 of The Body Project]

“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities 
brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.”
—Chuck Swindoll

There is no denying that life is tough. We often find ourselves facing giants — every day and everywhere — as if we have been cursed. Yet, I have come to find that nothing is impossible with God. With Him by my side, there is nothing I can’t do. 

But… there was a time in my life where I didn’t quite believe that.

For a long time, I believed that I had to go through life alone. That’s when things fell apart for me, and my thoughts brought me down. I had this little, evil voice in the back of my head that would tell me that I wasn’t good enough, and that other people were better than me. I believed it, and for a while, that voice was pretty corrosive upon my life. No one knew, though. I am a genuinely happy person, people knew that, so I hid behind my smile; but I quickly got tired of forcing it. Do you know what helped me turn things around? 

Confidence. 

I finally embraced my true self with open arms. Once I stopped caring about what the world thinks of me and start caring only about what God thinks, an inner peace consumed me. A peace that now whispers, “Everything is going to be alright.”

“I know God will not give me anything I cannot handle,
I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.”
—Mother Teresa

God will never give you a trial that you cannot conquer. Of course, you won’t be able to do it alone, and thankfully, you don’t have to, and that’s the point. 1 Peter 4:12 says, “Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job,” because, guess what? He is. When you are confronted by people who, from your perspective, seem to exist solely to drive you crazy, remember that person is created in God’s image just as you are. Also, remember that regardless of your habit of wrongdoing, you are of great value to God.

“It seems that God wants to use us, wants to grow us up, wants us to be strong and wise and courageous. He doesn’t seem terribly interested in making sure we are comfortable. He would not make a good flight attendant.”
—John Orteberg

God has chosen us. He has chosen us to spread His Word, to involve us in His Holy Mission.  If you don’t see yourself the way God sees you, how are you going to inspire people to follow Him? How are you going to help Christ change the world? We are all created in the image of the Beautiful Creator. Don’t you think that by believing that you are not beautiful enough, God, whose image you are created in, would be a little offended? 

It breaks my heart every time I look back upon that dark time of my life. I didn’t accept myself, but expected others to accept me. Then, I realized that I only get one life, and I don’t want to look back when I’ve run out of time and say, “Sydney, you could have done so much better. You could have made a difference, but you were so self absorbed.”  

That little voice in the back of my head is gone now. Now, I go through everyday knowing God is going to use me. I am so very blessed. I now know that my body is just a shell; it will one day die out; so I stopped worrying about the temporary, and I started to look forward to my Everlasting. I am a loved child of God, and so are you. God has put me in my situation for a specific reason. And guess what? I’m so excited! Trust God with all of the details of your life. It’s not gonna be easy, but it will be worth it. 

Love,
Sydney Clare Maccubbin

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These photos help to display the struggles that Sydney faced with body image, what she looks like without and with make-up, and the cleansing of her insecurities. 

For more information on Sydney’s story, or The Body Project, please contact me at KathleenSayer@gmail.com